Reading Self-Help Books

How you can get the most out of them

I have a procrastination problem. I like to delay things till the last minute. Like writing this week’s Newsletter. All I had to do was type some sentences daily throughout this week but no, I had to wait till today. This habit is quite damaging, I assure you. We will not be discussing that today. No! That would open a Pandora’s box of my mental health. So, where am I going with this? You see, to work on this (bad) habit, I purchased a book - “Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time”. I might have stopped reading that title halfway through, but I managed to read it and a couple of chapters. After that, I procrastinated and eventually gave up on reading the rest of the book. The irony is delicious, I swear. Anyway, this proved my perpetual belief that self-help books do not work.

“But DP, you didn’t even finish that book.” I know, I know. I’d read a few before that one and trust me, they got me nowhere. You can read a hundred different books, preach the knowledge, and still not have changed on the inside. We are stubborn in our ways sometimes and that costs us our growth. 

A few months later, I was getting ready to move abroad and an elderly relative and his friend dropped by to wish me luck. We got to discussing books and he had some recommendations for me, one of which was Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. He said it is a must-read, especially when one is moving to a new place. He was right. At this point in my life, I was in desperate need of making new friends and I held on to the recommendation. I did, however, tell him of my less-than-favorable sentiment toward self-help books. He suggested that I try reading them in a different way and gave me the following technique:

• Read a chapter daily (most self-help books tend to have smaller chapters)

• Underline points and ANNOTATE!

• Write a small paragraph on the chapter- with key points, your interpretation, and takeaways from it. Ponder on how you are now and what you might gain from applying these points to your life.

• Apply that chapter to your day-to-day routine and see how it changes you- for better or for worse. 

• After some time, go back to the book and read your key points, maybe include a positive and negative influence a chapter has had on your mind.

Do this on a loop for all chapters, and you are set.

I experimented with this technique on “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. I didn’t win a ton of friends or influence people, really. Still, I did learn to listen to and value opinions that are different from mine. I realized how much good there is in people around me and learned to appreciate that. I still don’t buy self-help books, but when I do, I try my best to follow this method. I can say that it has worked for me.

The friend told me that these books aren’t supposed to be neat. And maybe he was right. Maybe they don’t just exist to adorn our shelves, as an exhibit of conquest. Displaying these books is not going to change anything. And reading them isn’t going to miraculously transform your life either. On the contrary, some chapters might shake you up, when you realize how wrong you have been about certain things. However, it could hold something of value. You just have to dig deep.